The Interview
by slaine89
Summary: A young Adam asks his Pa some questions.


The red rippling over the underbelly of the coals from their supper fire was getting dimmer and dimmer just as the last few streaks of red from the sunset were fading away. Ben Cartwright leaned back against the wagon wheel and closed his eyes, listening to the soft chirp of a cricket from somewhere in the brush. In a few minutes he would get up and check on his young sons and then the horses before going to sleep himself, but for right now, he was content to simply sit in stillness after a long day of rattling and jolting in the wagon. The whole journey had been long and hard, and he would be glad when they reached the end of it and were able to finally start building a new life.

"Pa?" the sleepy voice roused Ben from his thoughts, and he looked up. In the darkness he could just make out Adam's small face.

"Shouldn't you be sleeping, son?"

"I had a question."

A soft smile covered Ben's features. If Adam had a question there would be no going to sleep until it was answered. Sometimes Ben thought his son would never rest until he knew everything about everything.

"What's your question?"

Adam climbed down from the wagon and settled himself onto his pa's lap. He let his head fall back against his chest, finding comfort in the steady rhythm of his father's heartbeat.

"Your question?" Ben prompted.

"It's a hard one."

Ben didn't doubt it. None of Adam's questions were ever easy.

"What's on your mind, son?"

"Well, everyone says that heaven is up there." He lifted one small finger to point to the sky. "And that hell is below. Right?"

"That's what people say." Ben had an inkling as to where this was going.

"So why did we bury Ma in the ground if she went to heaven?"

Ben wrapped his arms tighter around his son. It was a hard thing for some adults to grasp, let alone a six year old. He pondered how to answer for a few minutes without confusing Adam even more.

"Adam, do you know what it means when something is physical?" he finally said.

"You can touch it."

"That's right. God isn't physical; you can't touch him, just like heaven isn't a place you can travel to in a wagon. It's not physically in the sky; people just say that."

"Oh. So you can only go when you're dead?" Adam asked. That took care of his next question then. He'd been going to ask if they could go visit the woman that had become his mother over the past year.

"That's right."

Adam frowned as his mind mulled over what his Pa had told him. Ben smiled as he held his son. He could almost hear the wheels of his mind turning.

"Pa?" Adam said after a while.

"Yes, son?"

"Are you afraid of dying?"

It was a harder question than the last one if Adam had only known it. Ben frowned while he thought about how to answer.

"I'm not afraid of death." He said. "I don't want to die, but we all have to someday."

"I don't want you to die either."

Ben smiled. "Well I don't plan on it happening for a long time."

"I'd rather die first. Then I don't have to miss you too."

Ben's arms tightened around his son. He knew Adam missed Inger more than he told his Pa. He had never known his real mother, and Inger had filled a void in his life that Adam probably hadn't even known existed. Several times he'd stumbled upon Adam whispering in Hoss' baby ears about his now dead mother. He sighed to himself. Would Hoss grow up the same way, never knowing what it was like to have a mother's love?

"Do you think Hoss will remember her?" Adam demonstrated his uncanny ability to bring Ben's thoughts into the open without realizing it.

"I'll never let her memory die, Adam. Just like I tell you about your mother, we can both tell Hoss about his mother."

"That's good." Adam settled deeper into his Pa's lap. The night was chilly, but he was warm with his father's arms around him, and the sky was clear and filled with stars. "Will you find a new mother for us?" he asked.

Ben wondered how many questions he would be answering that night. Adam could go on and on if you let him, but Ben didn't have the heart to send him back to bed. Death was a hard thing for a child to grasp, and he'd rather Adam talk about it.

"I don't know. If I meet a woman that I can love then I might marry again." He didn't see that happening anytime soon. He'd loved both of his wives deeply, and it took a while to recover from that kind of loss.

"I don't want to get married."

"And why not?"

"I want to stay with you forever."

Ben chuckled, and Adam leaned against the deep vibration in his pa's chest. "Give it a few years, Adam. Someday you'll find that women are more interesting than your old pa."

"You're not old." Adam protested. "How old do you have to be to get married?"

"I suppose it depends. But you don't need to worry about it for a while."

"Why do people get married?"

"Because they love each other."

"That doesn't make sense." Adam protested. "You say you love me and Hoss."

Ben sighed. The topic had swerved, and he was tired. It was time to wrap things up.

"There are different kinds of love, Adam. You'll understand when you're older." He instantly regretted saying the phrase that worked on every other child in the world except his own.

"But I want to understand now." Adam said, as he did every time. "Is it because they want to have children? Like you and Ma had Hoss?"

"Yes." Ben said, hoping Adam wouldn't ask what he was sure would be the natural next question.

"How do people have children?"

Ben was torn between amusement at his son and annoyance at himself. He'd walked into that one.

"It happens when a man and a woman love each other." He said, hoping that that would be the end of it. Naturally it wasn't.

"But how?"

"Adam, there are some things that you just won't understand until you're a little older." Ben tried the old standby one last time, and this time Adam sighed in acceptance.

"How much older?"

"A while. But don't worry too much about it. Wouldn't you rather always have things to learn and understand throughout your life instead of learning everything in the first few years?"

"I guess. But I still wish I understood more."

"Well tomorrow you can ask more endless questions. Tonight it's time for bed." He stood and lifted Adam up and back into the wagon. Adam burrowed under his blanket and wriggled around until he got comfortable. Then he looked up at his father.

"Can I ask one more question?"

Ben couldn't say no. "What is it?"

"Will you always be able to help me understand and answer my questions?"

Ben put his hand on his son's shoulder and let it rest there for a moment. "Always." He said.


End file.
